Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
