Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
