dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
