Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
