I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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