my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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