Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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