I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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