saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
