is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
