Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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