Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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