I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
