Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
