i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
