The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
