What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize