That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
