Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
