I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
