I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
