I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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