Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
