John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
