Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
