after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
