Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
