there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
