Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
