i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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