the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
