i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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