So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
