I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
