Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
