walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dignity is for republicans.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
