I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Kiss
Puke
i permit you to call me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
