You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
