was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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