Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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