her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You ate ashes out of my bong
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
