I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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