Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
now i know why i became what i already was.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
