just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The air taste purple.
Randomize
