i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
