dude i'm inner monologue high
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
