Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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