So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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