Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
