UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
